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CROSS
BORDER RELATIONSHIPS
It’s been
my experience that when it comes to the black community in the
Northwest everyone knows everybody. So more often then not
when we want to meet someone new of the opposite sex we make a
run for the border. Canadians and Americans alike have been
taking trips to the other side for longer than I have been
living in VAN City and that’s almost ten years. So what’s the
attraction?
I have long
since realized that the old adage of the grass is greener is
true for most people. I too have made a few trips to Seatown
to find something new and exciting to do. Since it’s just far
enough away to feel like a vacation and just close enough to
leave after work and make it just in time for a night of
parlaying, it’s not uncommon to see a VAN city bar stacked
full of Americans or like wise to run into friends in the
states. To summarize, it’s safe to say that since we are all
mingling eventually someone somewhere along the line is going
to hook up. There in lies the hook-a-cross the border
relationship.
Some would
say, “why bother?”, others would say, “there’s is nothing
better.” Although opinions vary it really depends on whom you
ask. I find that most of my male friends would say that it’s
really not an issue for them because at the moment the trend
seems to be Canadian women with American men. Why? Well I
can only speak from personal experience and what my girls and
I have discussed.
It seems
that Canadian men as a whole do not seek out or notice us
(‘us’ being black women) as their number one choice. You see
in order to understand the plight of the Black woman in Canada
you must take a peek into our world. Since you may not be up
here, I’ll give you a sample of just that. Although Seattle
and it’s surrounding areas are far more forward thinking when
it comes to interracial relationships than most of the other
states, the fact still remains that Canada seems to have a no
holds bared policy. Granted it is a sign of forward thinking
and the acceptance of diversity, the fact remains that we
sacrifice a feeling of solidarity for the freedom to choose
our partners without the barriers of race religion or creed.
Based on this notion understand that the Black man in Canada
is not unlikely to marry a black woman. Until then it seems
he has decided to try every flavor available to him - saving
the best for last.
Women on
the other hand have taken a slower passage to the other side
and often find them selves making the drive to Seatown to find
comfort in the arms of someone from the same ethnic
background. The problem being that it does have its
limitations and therefor problems do often arise. The biggest
and most obvious - distance. Someone must make the foreboding
drive. A true test, I suppose, of dedication to the apple of
your eye, but nonetheless a proverbial pain in the ass. To
many it does not seem that far away but after going through
the trying experience at the border with racial profiling
border guards and sometimes waiting in line ups that can last
for hours after September 11th, it would seem that
their must be a better way. Some would say that it just shows
how much you care for the person you are going to see, but in
my eyes it just shows how desperate we have gotten to connect
with people we can relate to. A true sign of reaching out to
connect. The long trips do begin to dull the luster of LOVE
and have contributed to many a break up of what had the
potential of being a long healthy relationship.
There are
other factors that do contribute however. Though physically
we all carry the same traits, the fact remains that the
Canadian African community and Black Americans are two
different cultures and often find themselves not being able to
relate. The majority of Black people in Canada are, directly
or recently, from many diverse cultures. African, Caribbean
and Native Canadians make up the majority of us, but unlike
the US we are not a melting pot and are very prone to holding
on to our cultures and preserving our customs and beliefs.
The average black American is third, fourth and fifth
generation American and embraces the Americas as their
defining culture, due to the fact that few U.S. Blacks have
connections with their native roots. Although we can learn a
lot from each other this too can create a cultural barrier
that stems further than the color that society, and we often
use to categorize ourselves. The problem being that again we
find ourselves again thirsting for something that cannot be
quenched across the border.
On the
more positive note I have more than one girlfriend that has
joined the American culture getting married and having
families with our friends from the south. The cultural
diversity that they have amalgamated in their homes has
created a wonderful well-rounded environment for their
children and given many the hopes that they too could find
happiness somewhere out there. The positives being that it is
a shining example that on some level we can all relate to the
struggles we go through as a people and can find comfort in
the safe place we call a relationship. I am hoping that we
never stop looking for friends and that in our quest for true
friendship we stumble upon the love of our lives regardless of
their location.
I am
curious as to how others feel on this topic and would love to
have feed back from all of you males and especially American
females. I have heard rumors that there may be some resentment
towards the Canadian ladies. I wonder if my article has shed
any light on our situation and welcome your questions and
comments.
China@seaspot.com |
